Permainan Emosi

Seperti judul, ini semua memang hanya sebuah permainan emosi. Kurasa emang semua nya berakhir seperti yang tidak diinginkan adalah karena aku tak bisa mengatasi emosi ku. Emosi dalam artian apa? Baper. Iya anjing gua ngaku gua baperan. Jangan emosi karena kata 'anjing' karena itu kutujukan tuk diriku sendiri. Toh alasan pertama mengapa mantanku bisa menjadi pacarku saat itu adalah karena ia berani bilang kepadaku bahwa ia suka kepadaku. Iya, bangku kelas 7 ku masih ingat bahwa si cewe lah yang bilang dan bukan aku (iya gua pengecut saat itu). Sebenarnya aku gak ada feel sama dia pada awalnya, tetapi karena ia berani mengatakan aku suka kamu kepada aku yang tidak punya nyali untuk bertemu dengannya. berbaliklah seluruh rasa empati gua karena telah merespon semua yang telah ia lakukan untukku. Akhirnya ya jadian, walaupun hanya seminggu mungkin pacarannya? Tetapi yang pertama akan selalu ada di dalam ikatan memori.

Mungkin aku terlalu serius kali ya, mungkin aku yang goblok dipermainkan oleh emosi, oleh kata-kata yang tak terkandung arti yang dalam.

Anjing sumpah gua hanya ingin teriak dan meneriakkan semuanya. Tetapi apasih gunanya? Itu hanya gua yang ke baper an. ya dan siapa sih yang menciptakan kata "baper"? 'Bawa Perasaan' gua baru tau kata itu saat duduk di bangku kelas 2 SMA. Ah semakin lama gua benci sama yang namanya baper.

Kadang gua terlalu serius dan kuakui itu salah satu kelemahanku. Kadang kuanggap semuanya menjadi serius sehingga kata-kata yang mengandung arti candaan hilang menjadi sebuah arti keseriusan. Dari bercanda-bercanda an menjadi sebuah sindiran tersembunyi. Sindiran? benarkah sindiran ataukah itu kembali tetap menjadi sebuah percandaan? 

Shit! Why the f*ck?!?!

Yes, why, kenapa, apakah ini hanya terjadi pada diriku apa pada kalian juga? Apakah aku normal ataukah ini hanya sebuah kelemahanku belaka?

TELL ME!

Wait...

No!

This is something i have to figure out myself...

Hanya sebuah catatan kecil

Aku tau kalau aku mencintainya. Aku tau bahwa wanita sepertinya adalah satu diantara seratus, bukan tetapi antara seribu, atau bahkan diantara sejuta. Aku bahkan tidak sengaja mencintainya, aku secara tidak sadar menyukainya dari saat kita pertama keluar berdua. Kukira hanya dua orang teman tanpa akan menjalin hubungan yang kumiliki saat ini dengannya. Aku sayang dia, aku benar-benar sayang. Mungkin kalian akan mengatakan ini bullshit tetapi aku berharap ini bukanlah sebuah omong kosong. Aku berharap bahwa aku dan dia akan berlangsung sampai senyuman terakhir kami di dunia. Aku berharap semua  masalah yang akan kita hadapi nanti tidak akan berakibat pada perpisahan. Belum 2 bulan genap aku mengenalnya tetapi aku sudah memikirkan jauh ke depan untuknya, untuk kami berdua.

Kuliah asik lah

Sampai saat ini belum kutemukan sisi yang menunjukan tidak enaknya kuliah dibandingkan sekolah dulu.Mungkin belum, baru aja 2 bulan kuliah. Mungkin semua itu membutuhkan proses untuk terlihatnya sebuah keburukan itu. Sama halnya dengan pacaran kalau kamu pacaran dengan seseorang pasti kalian semua akan senang di awal karena sifat asli dari masing-masing pihak belum diketahui sepenuhnya. Kita hanya berharap kesenangan itu dapat berlangsung sampai disaat kita menyampaikan janji bersama di masjid di gereja atau dimanapun itu untuk menyatakan sebuah komitmen sehidup semati. Itu harapan bagi mereka yang benar-benar ingin menseriuskan suatu hubungan. Aku serius, kalau kau memang takdirku kan kuminang kau sekarang juga. Ya gak sekarang juga sih, aku belum punya apa-apa. Aku gak ingin kau merasakan tidak enaknya hidup dengan memindahkan tanggung jawab ayahmu kepadaku. Aku bukan Muhammad Alvin Faiz yang dengan mudahnya menikahi seorang wanita muallaf. Aku bukan anak ustad yang perekonomiannya mantap.Ya... Seorang pemuda biasa yang harus susah-susah mencari pekerjaan dengan pendidikan. Okelah kembali ke topik.

Kuliah?

Gimana sih pendapat kalian para kating(kakak tingkat) yang sudah bersemester-semester di bangku perkuliah? Enak gak sih, selama kalian kuliah? Lebih enak mana sama dulu sekolah di SMA?

Aku ingat saat SMA, aku dan teman-temankku bercerita akan ada banyak fake friend di masa kuliah. Tetapi secara kenyataan aku belum menemukan fake friend itu, mungkin karena aku tidak ada yang bisa dimanfaatin dariku. Haha gue anak kos, mau manfaatin apa selain ilmu? Apapun yang berkaitan dengan ilmu itu bukan memanfaatkan, entah kita yang disuruh ngerjain tugas kek atau apa kek, itu semua bukan berarti mereka memanfaatkan kita tetapi kita lah yang memanfaatkan momen untuk menggunakan ilmu itu sebagai sebuah senjata dalam peperangan mencari pekerjaaan nanti di akhir.

Atau mungkin itu hanya di jurusanku, di fakultasku, di universitasku. Sekarang ku kini paham bahwa bukan nama universitas yang dapat membuat kita bahagia. Bukan karena lo lo dan lo yg kuliah di UA, UGM, UNIBRAW, dll mengartikan bahwa kuliah lo enak dan bahagia. Bisa saja dengan tinggi nya nama universitas kalian malah memberatkan kalian. Malah membuat kalian merasakan ketidaknyamanan hidup. Mungkin kalian hanya mementingkan nama universitas atau mementingkan yang penting kuliah. Tetapi itu semua salah, cari kuliah itu yang benar-benar sesuai dengan diri kalian. Kalau kalian belum menemukan maka janganlah kuliah! itu sebuah kesalahan yang besar! uang orang tua lo yang kalian tanggung! Kalau anda tidak senang dengan kuliah kalian, berarti anda sedang kuliah di tempat yang salah!

Pada akhirnya ini hanya pendapat dari seorang maba, maba mah tau apa, masih 3,5 tahun lagi kedepan baru tau arti kuliah yang sesungguhnya.

21 Days

21 Days

By: Ilham Rianto

It was suppose to be the best day ever! Everything turned bad in an instance! Those final minutes turned me down as I saw my friends get a bad score on their national exam. As I was waiting for my turn to get my results, I kept saying in my mind ‘Don’t worry, your better than them’. But as soon as the teacher gave it to me, I was damned. She said ‘Better luck next time!’ I mean there is no next time! What the heck does she meant by that? So I sat, looking at my test results hoping that it would not affect college. But it did, on that moment I wanted to smack everyone’s head to the trash and say “SMELL THAT SHIT!” A tip for you guys who haven’t done the national exam, when your teacher is teaching, listen and understand! Because the national exam is so damn hard guys!

Seeing most of my friends happy I knew that I had to do something. I need to get prepared for the next fight. This time I will get all the gears that I need. A chainsaw, a shuriken, a shield made from vibranium and adamantium compound (Captain America). Wait maybe that’s too much. I think maybe I just need a book and a teacher. I remembered, your mind is stronger than a nuclear bomb. So the next day I went to find a place to fill my broken a heart. I needed a tutor, join a class, meet new people, and get a new girlfriend. Okay, forget about that last one. A she will probably just be a disturbing part on my conquest to go to college.

After asking my fellow companions, I found the right place. It’s called Hogwarts. I am a future dark lord, descendent of lord Voldemort. He may not have a nose, but he sure still can breathe well. Okay too much Harry Potter. You can call me a fanatic, I have posters on my room about Harry Potter. The thing is, I haven’t found the right place. Until one moment I saw this beautiful women wearing a high school uniform at a tutoring place named neutrix. My mind kept saying ‘Don’t you dare! She will only disturb you!’ But my heart said the otherwise. I went in and enrolled at neutrix. A mistake? No, that time luck was on my side. I loved a girl once which ended like me being Dumbledore getting killed by Snape, knowing she will kill me but I stood and done nothing. I just waited for her to end everything that was so perfect I thought. I hope she wouldn’t do the same. Okay I’m going too much again, I haven’t even introduced myself to her.

“Hello beautiful, what’s your name?”
“Oh hello handsome, my name is Hermione, you must be Ron.”

It went something like that. Well, on my mind. What really happened is I was being a creep who kept on staring at her waiting for the right moment to introduce myself to her. It turned out to be extraordinary, I became a gentleman. When I was staring at her she noticed and looked back at me. I don’t know what happened but I walked to her with confidence as she was looking back at me.

“Hello… Are you …”
“I’m Stephani” I was going to ask her where she goes to school, but she introduced herself before me
“Are you just gonna stare at me or tell me who you are?” I couldn’t say a thing, my heart flew
“I’m Franco… Ah, sorry” I looked down and shook my head as she laughed.

Probably the most awkward and best way I met a women. I mean she introduced first, that means she likes me too right? My hopes go high again. I’ve gain the hope that I needed to get back on my feet. The motivation is back. She will be my motivation and not a disturbance. She will be the light I need in the dark, the moon in my nights, and the sun in my days. Not just that, it turns out that she is also going to college and just had the same fate as me. We were made to be together, I am Ron in this story and she is my Hermione. It feels like I just drank a luck potion.

You see, the day before that day was probably the worst day ever and the after the worst became the best. How unpredictable life is.

Stephanie and I only had 21 days to our final exam for college. Those 21 days was probably the best preparation we had on our lives. We had cereal for breakfast, bread for lunch, and mozzarella pizza for dinner. Ran together on a field of flowers, went to a villa together, and I sang a song to her on the Peak of Mahameru Mountain accompanied by campfire. Okay too much day dreaming. Our time together was only at Neutrix for those 21 days. We didn’t just learn about Social lessons we also learned that love was what we needed. We also didn’t want to put a label on our relationship, even though we loved each other. She never said love and neither did I, but we knew each other’s heart

The Final Exam day, the day we both had waited for. As I drove her from her school to the place where she was going to do her exam she said three words. “I love you” She said it like she was never going to see me again, but I didn’t ask why. Probably because I was shocked happily by those words and replied that I loved her too. I then drove to the place where I was going to do the exam as it is done in different places. I done the exam quickly and easily. 21 days with Stephanie made me memorize most of the things we studied together. It was a piece of cake I say. I wanted to see her as soon as I finished but she said she was going home with her father.

So I called her, but there was no answer. To tell you the truth, this was the first time I called her. I was hoping she picked up, but maybe she had something else important to do. I texted her but she never replied. I started to get worried. I wanted to ask her friend, but she never introduced her friends to me or it seems like she never had a friend at Neutrix except me. So I went to her social media which was inactive since the day we met. Maybe because she chose to focus on the final exam. I just wanted to find a contact of her friend. So I stalked and found one of her friend active on social media. I asked her and what her friend answered was the most shocking thing I ever heard in my life.

She said “Stephanie died on a car accident 21 days ago”.

So who was with me all this time? A ghost?  But… why disappear now? Why for all this time? Why?! What has happened to me?! I checked my phone, the text messages… They’re not fake right! I read it and … I have been texting to myself all this time… What the heck has happened to my life?! I must be crazy! Did she came to my life just to help me on my exam? If that is what she did, I just want to see her one last time! I want to say I love you and thank you! I got accepted at the University I’ve always wanted! THANK YOU STEPHANIE! Those 21 days was the best days of my life.

I don’t care if she is a ghost or not, because I will always remember her as my lifesaver.